Hey hey you kids, that’s enough! Settle down back there, or I’ll stop this car so fast your heads will spin.
No, absolutely you can’t have an impeachment. It’s not time for that! It might not ever be time for that, so don’t try to get smart with me. I’ll tell you when it’s time for anything.
No, we’re not even going to have “hearings” about an impeachment. Are you trying to be sarcastic? When I say no, I mean no!
Yes, I know it looks like the mean man cheated his way into the presidency, and is credibly accused of being a rapist, and compliments rich child molesters, and tweets things that are openly racist and sexist and bigoted, and obstructs justice, and refuses to abide by Supreme Court decisions, and is putting policies in place to increase climate change that will probably destroy the planet in a few years, and is trying to take away basic health care from millions of people, and illegally locks innocent kids in cages without beds, blankets, or toothbrushes. Everybody knows that! But if we try to do anything about any of it, some people might not like us. So no, we’re not even going to try. We can whine a little, but then we just have to vote yes on whatever he tells us to.
Why not at least try? Because I said so, that’s why. People who try sometimes lose, so if we don’t try, then we can’t lose, see? Not losing is very important. It’s so important that we have to be extra careful never to try anything at all, ever. Never losing is almost like actually winning, except you never get a prize like actually letting those kids out of the cages.
I’ll tell you what I will do, though. I’ll insult the four people in Congress who are trying to do something about all this. Those progressives must be crazy to try to stop the mean man! They only have four votes, so they better just go along with the rest of us and give in to the mean man, like I do. I mean, I think I’m pretty progressive myself, but I know when to shut up and let the people in charge do whatever they want. One time I clapped at the mean man in a sarcastic way, during his State of the Union speech, remember that? But then I sat down again and let him do whatever he wants. And then I got everyone I could to vote for more funding to keep those kids in the cages!
If anyone has a problem with that, they could try to vote in other people. I mean, if the mean man and the Russians decide to let us have another election one day. Until then, though, you kids just stay quiet back there until we get to wherever it is we’re going. No, I don’t know if there will be cages for you there. I guess we’ll find out!