We are now into the portion of the election cycle where candidates who have already failed spectacularly begin seeking ways to pay off their massive campaign debts. Some cozy up to more successful competitors, hoping that an endorsement or a few nice speeches might kick some money loose. Most simply continue to rely on their old mailing lists, asking all the nice people who once gave $10 or $20 when the campaign was alive to contribute another 10 or 20 to bury the poor thing with some dignity now that it's kicked the bucket.
The "dignity" part is optional. Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker, for example, racked up a $1.2 million debt in the two sorry months that passed during his own presidential effort. He’s now asking his previous donors to chip in for a proper debt burial and, in exchange, you will get whatever he damn well feels like sending you.
Walker's email says anyone who donates $45 will receive a campaign T-shirt, but size and color requests won't be honored because of a lack of resources.
Walker says the shirts can be framed or used for "crafty things" like a pillow or bag.
So it's just like donating to a living campaign, except Scott Walker's old team reserves the right to no longer pretend they give a damn about you. We've got a warehouse of these things, damn it, and you will get whatever my hand first reaches for. For $100 we'll send you—let's see here—this mop, or maybe one of the break room chairs.
Let’s examine the ideas presented here, though: Who, precisely, would be eager to "frame" and display a Scott Walker '16 T-shirt? Who in the nation was so previously enamored with Scott Walker that they still long to display leftover campaign swag like it was a Wayne Gretzky jersey? Or, for that matter, Put Their Heads On It At Night?
And given that the good people of Wisconsin have been paying the price for Scott Walker's presidential ambitions for years now, maybe it's taxpapers that deserve those mixed-size T-shirts more than any individual campaign donors. Pave some roads with them, or sew them together to make a fancy roof for that new stadium Walker keeps going on about. It'd be a hell of a lot more "crafty" than a bunch of Scott Walker dead-enders using them as ersatz pillows.