On the same day his holiness the 14th Dalai Lama gave a speech to the Wisconsin Legislature praising American democracy and the freedom of expression, Wisconsin GovernEr Scott Walker’s administration scored a major victory against domestic terrorism when a Madison geologist was found guilty of violating a state administrative code by writing “OMG GOP WTF” on a sidewalk near the state Capitol in Madison. The perpetrator’s weapon of choice was washable sidewalk chalk, the same kind that kids use to mark hopscotch lines or draw pictures of bunnies and flowers.
During a blistering cross-examination by the brave and relentless Wisconsin Assistant Attorney General Jeffrey Gabrysiak, the geologist admitted that he had, indeed, written the message. (Actually, there was no dispute about the facts. The chalker wanted to use the First Amendment of the US Constitution as his defense, but the Dane County Circuit Court judge would not allow any mention of the Constitution during the trial.)
It took the six-person jury only a few minutes to determine that writing on the sidewalk constituted “displaying a display on” or “attaching artistic material to” the Capitol grounds. Even though writing on the sidewalk with chalk is explicitly defined as legal activity in City of Madison ordinances, the Capitol building and grounds are under the jurisdiction of the Wisconsin Department of Administration, where normal rules and common sense don’t apply as of August, 2012, when new Capitol Police Chief Erwin began a crackdown on dissent that has resulted in about 125 citations being issued for things like singing, holding signs, and chalking.
The judge fined the chalker $50.00 plus court costs for the non-criminal code violation.
**SNARK ALERT** next two paragraphs.
Gabrysiak is rumored to be taking a few days off after the grueling 4 hour trial (not including breaks.) His boss, Republican Attorney General J.B. Van Hollen, has indicated he is likely to allow Gabrysiak to recover from the strain by assigning him to lower-stress cases like murders and child-abductions for a while. It was also rumored that Van Hollen would have assigned Gabrysiak to even lower priority cases stemming from the recent audit of the Wisconsin Economic Development Corporation, but couldn’t since Van Hollen plans to completely ignore the violations of law described in that audit.
When a liberal reporter queried whether spending the state’s resources on a chalking case was wise, Van Hollen answered “Overall I have to say I’m pleased with today’s outcome. Out of approximately 125 citations issued by Chief Erwin, we now have one successful prosecution. Despite half of the citations already being dismissed and most of the others soon to be dismissed, I can say with confidence we’re on a roll. The citizens of Wisconsin can rest easy knowing that they can safely walk on the concrete near the Capitol without having to explain to their children the meaning of obscenities like WTF or GOP.”
As I mentioned, about the same time the jury was pronouncing its verdict in the Chalking Trial of the Century, the Dalai Lama was addressing the Wisconsin Legislature. My Assembly Representative was kind enough to provide me a ticket to watch from the gallery. Like many of the representatives, my representative made a point of publicly recognizing her guests in the gallery before the Dalai Lama arrived by asking them to stand. It was an honor that I had no idea was coming (I’m just a dude who lives in her district and had the gumption to ask for a ticket) and I felt unqualified to be singled out, but it was worth the slight embarrassment to watch as the legislators applauded us. Thank you, legislators, especially from the Republican side. I know a few of you appreciate my writing, even if you don’t know me by my real name.
I have no idea if his holiness appreciates snark like some of what I’ve written above, but it was obvious he has a great sense of humor and a wonderful laugh. It really was an honor to be present at his brief address. He spoke of his dislike of ceremony and formalities, that kings and and queens and homeless people are the same to him. I felt a lot of emotions as I sat again in the gallery of the Wisconsin Assembly Chambers. It was difficult to reconcile having such a wise one in a room where so much evil, fueled by greed for money and power, has been perpetrated on the working people of Wisconsin over the last 30 months. It is not easy to forgive, and I haven't forgiven yet.
For now I’m just going to feel the emotions and pray that compassion and common sense return once again to my great state.