"Marking" tonight's premier return of the fifth season of "My Cat From Hell" on "Animal Planet," HuffPost reporter Lauren Duca speaks with Jackson Galaxy, whom she calls "the most famous cat behaviorist in the world, to learn that "basically everything we think we know about cats is wrong." Duca shows off her newly learned Pavlovian behavioral tricks and perspective by loading up her article Everything You Think You Know About Cats Is Wrong, with irresistibly cute dynamic gif photos of cats being so cute you will feel compelled to watch Jackson Galaxy's premier by unconscious forces beyond your control.
No disclosures have been made if Animal Planet or Jackson were involved in the production of these dynamic gifs clearly designed to induced readers to recommend Lauren Duca's posts, follow her writings, (and probably anyone else who uses them, what sneaks these behaviorist are!), and watch the season premier of "My Cat From Hell."
As an example of what cat behaviorists have learned from closely watching our feline friends, please consider our first video. While the naive observer may might think that when cats blink slowly, they are sleepy and are nodding off. They would be totally wrong, as Lauren explains:
When cats blink, they're basically saying "I love you" ...
For cats, communicating love is the equivalent of communicating vulnerability. As a prey animal, a long blink is actually a very important feline gesture, because it surrenders the animal to harm and sends up a message of trust. "When a cat shuts their eyes to you for an extended period, it's a grand gesture," Galaxy explained. "It is to say to a potential predator, 'Go ahead, I trust that you won't kill me.'"
As scientists we should test all hypotheses. We have three cats, in my household - or should I say "cat's lair?" If our cats are too tense, getting each other riled up, and starting to rip the place apart, I can indeed calm them down by looking at them and slowly and calmly blinking. Empirically, I've found that very slow lion like exhalations calm them even more, almost instantly. Sometimes, I even provide a reassuring roar of a self-confident, relaxed, alpha-male lion, which causes my girlfriend, Gina to shake her head, in disbelief, but all the cat's smile appreciatively, relaxing furthere with understanding tracing back to our common ancestory in the wild jungles filled with dangers primates evolved from treetop dwellers can only imagine.
Thirty nine years ago, I read Gregory Bateson's "Step to an Ecology of Mind," in a coffee house in the Kresge building at MIT, (I don't know why I remember it so vividly.) which included one chapter on his theory of why dogs use a "soft bite" to communicate affection. Bateson proposed that because dogs have no abstract logical way to communicate a negative such a "not" as in I will not hurt you, by acting out, "a soft mouthing of your arm in their mouth" they illustrate to the other, "hey, look, if I were hostile I could bite the shit out of you right now, but I'm not, so you can infer that I like you a whole bunch."
Apparently, cats are doing the same with this blink, by demonstrating the opposite of the "hyper-alert" state their nervous system would be in if they were preparing for an attack. But, Jackson Galaxy seems to have it backwards, or only half of it. It's the blinking cats that is signalling, he isn't about to attack the other as well. Wow, these cats are a lot smarter than "we" realized. Who would have thought? (Humor alert!)
Umm, well, perhaps, we spoke to soon, and should have observed instead, "some cats may be a lot smarter than we thought." Here we seem to have one of the easily amused varieties whose owners project various imagined meanings into the behavior that tells us more about the owners than the poor cat who is probably just doing her morning Tai Chi exercises. (See Rorschach Ink Blot Test under Wikipedia for discussion of diagnostic use of projection highly relevant for LOL Cat communities. (Humor Alert! )
Lauren explains the hidden meaning of this gif:
... and rolling over on their back doesn't just mean they want a belly rub.
As Galaxy knows all too well, most people think of a cat rolling over as "an invitation to go and pet their tummy," but it goes back to that idea of being vulnerable -- what he considers the "highest compliment" a cat can give you. "What they are showing you, by exposing their midline, is 'This is my most vulnerable spot, if you were a predator, you could eviscerate me right now. Just like the blink is the cat I-love-you, this is the cat version of a hug," said Galaxy.
As if one needs to be an advanced cat behaviorist to know these two cats are "up to something." Those guilty expressions when caught tell us pretty much everything we need to know to understand what is going on here.
Now that we have the hang of it, let's practice our new found "cat diagnostic skills." Here are a number of "clinical test cases" pulled from our files, that I submit for your approval. Please examine them and let us know, in the comments, what these cats are really trying to tell us. And, please feel free to add other test cases from any species in the comments.
And, for those who would like to see the premiere of the fifth season "My Cat From Hell" it comes on tonight at Saturday, April 26, at 8 p.m. EDT on Animal Planet. My significant other Gina, and our three cats Mish-Mish, Kashi, and Yeti will be watching if you want to spiritually cuddle with us through the internet ethers.
Meow! Woof, woof!'
Official End of Post
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Cat Diagnostic Mystery Case #1
Puppy and Kitty Diagnostic Mystery Combo Case #2: Extra credit given for explanations referencing Freudian psychodynamic theory.
Diagnostic Mystery Case #3
Diagnostic Psychological Profile Cartoon #1
Diagnostic Psychological Profile Cartoon #2
"Ohhhh, look at that Schuster, isn't it cute when the HoundDog tries to understand quantum mechanics, cats, Daily Kos meta discussions, or women?"
"Dang, the next time I get fewer recs and comments than the number of minutes I put into writing a post for five tims in a row, I'm getting a different hobby! What do ya think! I fetch for "my benefit"?
Diagnostic Psychological Profile Cartoon #3
"I had a blog for a while at Daily Kos but I didn't get enough recs, comments, or followers, so I decided I decided to go back to just inane barking all day long."
"My Cat From Hell" premieres Saturday, April 26, at 8 p.m. EDT on Animal Planet.
Woof, woof,
10:44 AM PT: Diagnostic Psychological Profile Cartoon #4
How the hell do the Daily Kos Admins even know I'm a dog? ... The trouble all started when my therapist suggested I communicate my feelings of vulnerability and make my emotional needs for acknowledgement in the form of comments and recs known ....
10:59 AM PT:
Hypnotoad says,"You are much too self aware and sophisticated to be moved by such obvious and primitive behavioralist attempts to influence your behavior. Please demonstrate this by rec'cing and tipping this post and leaving a comment, and following the HoundDog."
"You will awake feeling refreshed, wonderful and thinking about how excited you are to be planning to take all of your friends to vote for a full slate of Democrats in the November elections!" (Humor alert!)