Well, Texas killed satire again. It's dead.
Hope you're happy, Texas.
Larry Kilgore has made God, gays and guns an important part of his campaign for governor, but his No. 1 issue is secession. Kilgore is so committed to the idea of having Texas leave the union that he legally changed his name – Larry SECEDE Kilgore. That’s the way he’ll appear on the ballot next March in the Texas Republican primary, where he is challenging front runner Greg Abbott for the GOP nomination.
Kilgore talking with the clerk when next renewing his driver's license: "No, that's SECEDE with all caps. All the letters."
Apparently Larry SECEDE's big contribution to Republicanism is that he wants gay Americans to vote for him too so that, at long last, Texas can SECEDE. Once that's out of the way, we'll worry about the pesky details of who in the new Texas utopia will be able to kill who, and why.
Kilgore believes the Bible offers a good guide for government. As such, he suggests that in accordance with the biblical injunction against homosexuality, gay people should be put to death. But Kilgore says he’s willing to temporarily set aside his opposition to homosexuals in the interest of winning. [...]
“I am a Christian, and I have lots of Christian beliefs. However, I am trying to build a coalition of all different types of people. I look at the lesbians and the homosexual folks and I say, ‘Hey, D.C. is stealing my money just like they’re stealing your money.’ After we get our freedom, then we can decide all that stuff — hopefully at a county level. Right now, lesbians and homosexuals and Christians may have differences with each other, but we’ve got a bigger enemy.”
So good news for all of you gay Texas Republicans—Larry SECEDE's willing put aside the question of whether or not we murder all the gay people until
after y'all get your "freedom." Vote Larry!
There is going to be a debate, right? We will get to hear all the Texas Republican candidates for gubbiner debate their important issues like what the new free Texas flag will look like and who has the most awesomest middle name. Oh, but I suppose we can't have every nut in Texas up there on the same stage, so the party will probably limit it to "serious" candidates only, candidates who have a prayer of actually getting nominated.
In 2006, Kilgore finished second behind Gov. Rick Perry for the GOP nomination for governor.
Holy hell.