A year before his election, Obama sabotaged a Janesville automotive plant leading to its closing months before his swearing in as president.
With his Kenyan-based, French-styled ideas on taxation and health care, Obama was directly responsible for tax cuts for millionaires in the previous administration. Because of his interference, unemployment soared, the markets crashed, and the world economy tottered on the brink of total collapse.
Because of his current anti-business stances as president, Obama caused the weather front in the mid Atlantic to form into a tropical depression, leading to the catastrophic hurricane named Katrina, seven years ago.
Because of his horrific, unbelievable acceptance of early GOP ideas on budget cuts, President Obama destroyed the credit worthiness of the United States of America by preventing patriotic Republicans from voting in favor of ideas they previously put forward.
Because of his support for investment in alternate energy sources, including solar and wind, Obama is personally responsible for the Texas drought of 2011 and the current once in a century drought affecting 32 states.
Due to his hatred of manufacturing and America's auto industry, President Obama squandered millions of dollars by investing in Detroit and allowing US auto manufacturers to retool and reshape their financial futures. His interference will lead to the regrettable hiring of thousands of new workers, and the saving of a million jobs.
Because of his direct intervention into the workings of our national security system, Obama was and remains responsible for the attacks of 9/11.
By over-regulating industry, and forcing them to adopt pesky, unnatural, almost Darwinian safety rules, Obama caused the BP oil rig explosion in the gulf, leading to the extermination of some marine life, and destroying the way of life for millions of Americans.
Because of his views on foreign affairs, President Obama personally caused William Calley to kill hundreds of innocent Viet Namese in what become known as the My Lai Massacre.
Because of President Obama's resistance to abstinence only sex education, He directly caused the explosion of STDs in teenagers, mainly in America's bible belt.
Due to President Obama's hatred of guns, Obama personally caused the assassination of JFK, the shooting of Ronald Reagan, the attempts on the lives of Bill Clinton, and the unreported threats on the life of George H.W. Bush.
Because of his muslim upbringings, and hatred of all things christian, President Obama forced hundreds of Catholic priests to rape innocent children for decades before his presidency.
By seeking to enforce existing financial regulations, and to re-enact previous financial rules, President Obama directly caused the real estate bubble that took down the nation's economy.
Because of President Obama's reprehensible family life, especially when compared to GOP heroes like Newt Gingrich, Mark Foley, Larry Craig, Mark Sanford, Steve Aiken, Jeff Miller, Jeff Gannon, Dan Burton, Ed Schrock, John Ensign, Ted Haggard, Rush Limbaugh, and David Vitter, President Obama forced each and every one of the previously named Family Values pols, preachers, and media types to commit adultery or statutorily rape children.
DISCLAIMER: Taking its cue from the R. Money campaign manager, this diary has not been bound by fact checking.