I'm numb.
My son called a couple of hours ago to deliver some very bad news: A CT scan shows that he has a mass on his cerebellum that may be a tumor. He has all the classic symptoms, blinding headaches, vision trouble, fatigue, the lot. Waiting now for an MRI sometime this week to confirm the diagnosis. He lives hours away, and he doesn't want me to come. Not yet anyway. He's a 29 year old single dad with custody of 2 of his 3 kids. Says he has to keep going as though everything's normal. He's right, but my heart is breaking because I'm not there.
And I'm angry as hell. Not just because this is my child I'm talking about. No, his story illustrates what can happen when children don't have access to adequate health and dental care.
There's more...
When my son was 16, he had an abscessed tooth that was discovered only when it began to hurt. We hadn't had regular access to health care, let alone dental care, since he was 13, and he hadn't seen a dentist for many years because I simply couldn't afford it. Funny how that works: I didn't qualify for Medicaid, but I didn't make enough to afford dental care for my son. (Hmmm, maybe we would have been candidates for a program like SCHIP.)
When his tooth started hurting, I took him to a dentist who sent him right away to an oral surgeon. Luckily, I had just gotten my tax refund and had a little extra money. The oral surgeon (bless him) did the procedure for half his usual fee, because that was all the money we had in the world and the kid desperately needed that tooth out (thanks again, doctor, for writing off that extra $500). He sent him home with some heavy-duty antibiotics and a warning that there was a chance the infection could move into his jaw and on to the brain.
But the pain was gone, and no one else would see him without payment or insurance (of which we had neither), so we never followed up. Couldn't afford it. He didn't have any more trouble, so eventually it slipped off the radar and we forgot about it. Turns out that was a horrible mistake. The doctor now says it's quite possible that this mass on his brain is connected to that long-ago abscessed tooth.
A few months ago we learned of a boy who died from an untreated abscessed tooth. I remember feeling a sense of relief that my son had dodged that bullet. Little did I know that such an infection can have long-term and very serious effects.
So I'm sitting here this afternoon, consumed with guilt for not having done more to make sure my son got the dental and health care he needed all those years ago, when I catch sight of the TV. It's on C-Span and the caption reads "Children's Health Insurance."
And I lost it. I felt as though I'd just been struck a physical blow to the heart. I'd been holding myself together pretty well (my family doesn't call me The Rock for nothing) until I saw that graphic and recalled what Bush said about SCHIP last week. It pissed me off at the time (as do virtually all his asinine utterances), but thinking about it today pushed me over the edge.
How could anyone possibly believe that giving MORE children access to necessary health and dental care could ever be a bad thing? HOW? What is wrong with these people? Don't they understand that children can DIE when things like bad teeth are left untreated? Do they not understand how agonizing it is for parents who cannot get the help they need for their children?
Obviously, the answer is that they do know; they simply don't care. No way to profit financially, I guess. But enough is enough - we have to figure out a way to make sure every single child (and adult for that matter) in this country has adequate medical and dental care.
It's far too soon to know how my son's situation will turn out. We can only wait and hope for the best. He has health insurance now, but his company just changed hands and they're switching insurance carriers; we're hoping he won't get caught in some kind of bureaucratic limbo.
And so we wait...
There is something I can do right now, though. I can contact the people in my political party who want to be our next president, and tell them that I will not support any candidate who does not make a top priority out of providing medical and dental care to every single child in this country.
Am I spitting in the wind? Probably. I don't have any money to donate, just a vote that gets lost in this very red state. But I need to do something to release the anger I feel at Bush's callous opposition to children's health insurance.
Perhaps this would have happened even if my son had had adequate follow-up care for that abscessed tooth. We'll probably never know for certain. But I do know this: I don't want any other mother to have to look back and feel guilty for not being able to provide medical treatment for her kid. I don't want anyone to feel the way I feel right now.
And if you got this far, thanks for reading. Please send good thoughts my son's way. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go write some letters and cry some more.