A reckoning is coming off a lot hot Texas wind. Come New Year’s, the age of pistoleros and cosplaying gunslingers returns to my beloved Lone Star. My family has now lived in Texas long enough to see the age of pirates come and go with the tides, but we have never seen anything as silly open carry.
Don’t get me wrong! I am huge 2nder. My cousin’s daughter just bagged her first buck, a beautiful and healthy 9-pointer and so goes the cat and the cradle of hunting in my family. But we can’t have nice things because of idiots, and this is Texas.
And open carry is a very nice thing, puts all the cards on the table if you will. Plus, rifles would look ridiculous attached to our belts. And while I will enjoy finally knowing which Chuck Norris-wannabes in the room are in fact carrying, this will all end in tears for the following reason:
1) No Hand Speed for Old Men
If I’ve learned anything in my time on this Earth is you can’t tell a bunch entitled old white dudes what to do, especially if they are armed. But a lot of old white dudes are about to die. Seriously. Old men with ancient reflexes appear to be one of the biggest supporters of open carry, which is the main engine in the very slow moving train wreck about to unfold.
All these spaghetti western aficionados who will be strutting around like Eastwood, with their irons on their hips, but will get them taken from them like candy from a baby.
Then these old men will a) get robbed with their own gun b) killed with their own gun c) have their gun stolen and used in a crime or d) all of the above.
Old men who disagree need to be reminded that police officers are trained heavily on this and they still fall victim to crafty criminals with quick hand speed.
Tears, seriously, soon.
2) The first minority to exercise their open carry right probably gonna get shot
Heck, I’m one of the German-Spanish kids running around central and south Texas and even I’m a bit concerned to open carry. Any black dude, seriously good luck, though a black woman, maybe? Texas is weird. Only ones I see getting away with open carry might be the Asian minorities, but hispanics and blacks should let them go first and see how it goes.
Basically, this Right will no way be able to be enjoyed by all Texans equally.
Again, tears, seriously, soon
3) Outside of the time the forbidden seventh flag flew over Texas, there has never been this level of open carry in the Lone Star.
The forbidden flag being that of the pirate nation that spanned most of the Texas coast, and they didn’t follow many laws, especially those of the Spanish Main. Since then, the rule of law has stopped idiots from parading around public with death machines strapped to their hips.
Even in our wildest wild west phase in Texas, you checked your irons. Only known outlaws and criminals would flaunt such laws which the open carry movement of Texas has warped into the law. I mean, John Wayne would have words with each of these men and women. Roy Rogers probably wouldn’t like them.
They are the baddies. They will get their stuff stolen and used against them. The public at large will be endangered because open carry citizens will not be able to stop criminal elements from using open carry citizens’ stupidity against us all.
So to wrap it all up, here is my Gunsmoked pool:
First Time an Open Citizen is deholstered as prank or criminal act:
0-1 days : 1 in 2
1-3 days : 3 in 4
1 Week: 9 in 10
First Time an Open Citizen is deholstered and robbed:
0-1 days : 1 in 10
1-3 days : 2 in 7
1 Week: 1 in 3
First Time an Open Citizen is deholstered and killed:
0-1 days : 1 in 25
1-3 days : 1 in 20
1 Week: 1 in 10
First Time an Open Citizen is deholstered and used in another crime:
0-1 days : 1 in 2
1-3 days : 4 in 5
1 Week: 10 in 11
Mark my words, open carry in Texas is supposedly nice thing we will never do again because idiots do not allow for nice things.