GIULIANI: “I’m a little teapot, short and stout. Here is my handle, here is my spout. When I get all steamed up, hear me shout. Tip me over and pour me out. I’m a very special teapot—yes, it’s true. Here is an example of what I can do. I can turn my handle into a spout. Tip me over and pour me out.”
Oh, good God. What in the ever-living fuck was that? The government needs to start putting labels on Scotch bottles that simply say, “Aw, Rudy. C’mon, man.” He’s basically that old dancing Six Flags mascot after he’s been hosed down and tranqued for the night. Next stop, NFTs—and then on to perdition.
Now, I have to hand it to whoever coaxed Rudy into surrendering the last mealy dollops of his dignity for $325. I had a similar idea awhile ago, but the asking price seemed too steep, and I mistakenly thought there’d be a limit to how far off the deep end he’d be willing to go. Shame on me.
But whatever I came up with couldn’t have possibly matched this dadaistic monkey orgasm. So kudos, random Cameo customer! You’ve finally broken him. And now the whole world knows—and as a bonus lesson, Rudy taught us the second verse of “I’m a Little Teapot.”
And thanks again, Rudy, for reminding us what you and MAGA are all about. Or trying to remind us, rather. Honestly, I still don’t really get what any of you are talking about. On any subject. But hey, that’s just me.
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