(CNN) Reports are very quietly emerging of startling, but apparently beneficial side-effects of COVID vaccinations several weeks after final vaccination. Researches are calling it the “Cocoon” effect, after the 1985 Comedy-Drama due to the remarkable nature of the measurable changes those having been vaccinated have enjoyed. These include substantial stress-reduction leading to better sphygmomanometer systolic/diastolic readings, visible reduction in effects of sub-dermal collagen complex polymer-cross linkages on the skin, and apparently pleasant effects on libido.
That is for laypeople — lowered blood pressure, younger skin, and increased sex drive.
Amelie Incheek, a Dutch immunologist from Johns Hopkins COVID Sentinel laboratories has long hypothesized that unique metabolic pathways of the new mRNA viral clearing mechanisms by the human body may actually trigger “cleaning house” systems at the cellular, even mitochondrial level.
“It has been suggested that the combination of unique encapsulating ionizing cationic lipids and structural phospholipids which are used in the COVID vaccine apparently also induces both telomere lengthening or ‘renewal’ at the cellular level, mitochondrial ‘flushing’ of free radical-induced aging acceleration, and body-wide reconfiguration in agiotensin substrates. Remarkable.”
Other researchers are somewhat alarmed since these effects were not seen in clinical trials, but multiple meta-studies of participant outcomes along with AI-driven cellular repair pattern sensing studies are being launched at the Centers for Cellular Aging at Caltech, Stanford, and MIT along with unreported support from several high-tech compute facilities.
Sammy T., a Florida retiree, was laughing at his wife’s comments in a recent interview when Adele T. said, grinning furiously:
“Sam can be 30 again, while I have to deal with the sexual issues of “Co-Viagra” Vaccine. It's put the world on 'tilt.' ”
You read that correctly, like many blood-pressure-reducing treatments, the possible reconfiguration of angiotensin substrates have a net effect of lowering blood-pressure, acting very much like full-body viagra in men — and women. Sammy looked on affectionately at his pink-cheeked wife of 40 years, “It’s like she’s had a face-lift!”
Several medical authorities have disputed the effects, notably Canadian Psychologist Jordan Peterson, pointing out that stress reduction from “getting their room cleaned up” as well as “standing up straight to COVID” could account for the entirety of the post-vaccination effects.
“Sure, I’d have an increased libido and look younger too if I didn’t have to worry about dropping dead in a Pandemic.”
The CDC didn’t respond to requests for access to long-term data on correlations between hypertension, libido, skin presentation, which some conservative medical groups have claimed is “Wanting to keep Red-Blooded American Men and Women in the dark on the true mood-elevating and passion-drive benefits of COVID Vaccination.”
Meg Fury, former conservative columnist and Texan Trump supporter, has claimed “It all makes sense:”
“The Liberals want to keep COVID vaccination to themselves, and suppress information about the Cocoon effect — why do you think they’re not giving it to 18-year-olds! Hell! My 18-year-old would explode!”
When asked about the effect in a private conference recently, Dr. Athony Fauci grinned and averred that he “Knew nothing about it.”
Soon everyone will, perhaps, except for those hesitating to be vaccinated.
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