Israel is directly responsible for the reelection of George W. Bush, because they made some Arabs really, really mad, which made some other Arabs reall, really mad, who decided to blow up the World Trade Center, which caused Americans to decide that terrorists were the single worst problem facing America today, which made Bush really popular, which made other Americans decide Howard Dean was too wimpy, and John Kerry was too wimpy too, to beat Bush, which made Bush win. Still with me? Shorter version: it's all the Jews' fault.
Going back into American history, Jews were President of both the North AND the South during the Civil War. Yup, Abraham Lincoln and Jefferson Davis were really Jews. Every Tory in the Revolution was a Jew, while every Patriot was a good Christian, or at least an atheist. And all the Indians who attacked us in the French and Indian War were -- you guessed it -- recently-converted Jews.
The Holocaust was the Jews' fault. I don't know how to explain this one, but somehow a Jew got into Hitler's brain and said, "Kill me." Stalin was really a Jew, as was Pol Pot. I know this because they told me.
If only the Jews today would stop demanding what is theirs, like they have throughout history, the rest of us could live in peace and harmony. Don't you wish the Jews would stand down and give their homes to someone else so everyone could be happy? Then no one would be oppressed, and everyone would have homes to live in. Except the Jews, of course. But who cares about them?
P.S. Jews ate my dog.