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Dear ammosexuals,

As a non-ammosexual who has only recently become aware of your existence, I admit that I have been unnerved and put off by your orientation.  Especially by the large numbers of you coming out publicly and demanding your rights.

I felt this was somewhat justified by the fact that ammunition, unlike lacy underthings, motorcycles, smartphones, and other inanimate objects people might be aroused by, has a primary purpose of killing people.  People which might include me.  I didn't think that your sexual orientation was compatible with people being safe in their homes, communities, and schools.

I was, in short, ammophobic.

I have seen the error of my ways.

Whether or not I knew it, ammosexuals have been living their lives all across these United States for years.  Some have been living in the open; some have been closeted.  You've always been here.  

We're the ones who needs to adjust to this reality.  It is up to us non-ammosexuals to decide how to explain your orientations to our children.  It is up to us to get used to the idea that while many of us find sexual fulfillment in relations with men, or women, or either, or both, we have fellow citizens whose psycho-sexual needs can only be met by weapons of mass murder.

With that being said, I do have a few requests.

Your gun-stroking is an inherent part of your sexual fulfillment.  I can respect that, even though I don't understand it.  But can I ask that you keep your gun-stroking to your own homes, or to private venues where you can mix with like-minded ammosexuals?  

Likewise, sexual activity is something that should be between consenting adults and, where applicable, their firearms of choice.  I don't think it's asking too much to ask you keep your sexual activities out of sight and out of range of minors.  After all, they're too young to consent to partake of these activities, and if you involve them in such activities before they're old enough, you are betraying their trust.

If you have children in the home, it is your responsibility to keep your tools of sexual fulfillment -- ammunition and firearms -- out of the reach of children.  Remember that children can climb, children can find hidden keys, children are curious.  

If you object to having to undertake greater security measures because of the nature of your orientation, I'm sorry to say that I think that comes with the territory.  Cisgender male/female couples have to take measures to prevent unwanted conceptions, while cisgender male/male, cisgender female/female, transgender male/cisgender female, transgender female/cisgender male, etc., couples do not.

Any person who has sex with another person has to take into account the possibility of STDs; you, on the other hand, have no such worries from humping your gun!  (Assuming you don't pass it around.  Are most ammosexuals also swingers?  I admit I have much to learn.)

And if your gun is so. big. that it can blow a hole in the wall miles away, could you think about downsizing?  There are doctors who could help you with that.  I know the idea is painful, but enacting one's sexual desires in non-destructive ways is part of living in a civilized society.

"That's ammophobic!", you say.

Not at all!  Every one of us is subject to indecency laws.  Nobody is allowed to have all their sexytiems in public (unless their sexytiems involve solely activities such as ogling shoes in a window display).  It's not homophobic to ask Greg and Phil not to blow each other at the pizza shop, or heterophobic to ask Marjory and Damien not to to do the reverse cowgirl in the Oreos aisle at Target.

Of course, you can have your ammosexual pride.  You can wear your ammosexual pride necklaces, t-shirts, and lapel pins in public.  You shouldn't be asked to hide your orientation from children.  If they ask, you can tell them you are ammosexual, and explain in non-explicit terms what that means: sometimes a man falls in love with a woman; sometimes a man falls in love with a man; sometimes a man falls in love with a semi-automatic weapon.  

Just... keep your gun-fun sexytiems away from the rest of us, ok?  I don't think that's too much to ask.

© cai